Monstrosities
by Tatsuki-Jagerjaques
Summary: A twisted love square. Will Byakuya best Renji and have Rukia for himself? Will Renji cut down Ichigo and win over Rukia? Will Ichigo even be able to keep up with these two love-struck shinigami! What will Rukia decide? dont own it!
1. Monstrosities Part One

**Monstrosities Part One**

He swore never again would he ever let love befall him again. his pain from losing his wife was so deep and so strong, it almost hurt to breathe. he woke up most nights alone, to his empty room….. to _their_ empty room. ever since Hisana had died, Kuchiki Byakuya could not get a solid hour of sleep and when he did, he always dreamt of _her_. she was so beautiful and so pure, it made him, an honorable member of the royal Kuchiki family_, _feel _unworthy _of even the slightest glance from her beautiful velvet eyes. she was his everything and now she was gone, lost forever. she was taken away in the early spring, when the first cherry blossom bloomed. she was taken by the cold, selfish hands of death. it wasn't fair. he _loved_ her and now, after their time being so short, she was gone.

_Theres still a chance…._ a small voice whispered in his mind.

_No._ he thought to himself. he swore. he _swore on his family's honor,_ on his parent's _graves_ that he would never again let the monstrocity of love befall him again. he also swore on Hisana's grave that he would never be with another woman for as long as he should live. he could not and would not disgrace and dishonor her like that. "_Till death_….._"_ he quietly murmured to himself.

But he didn't want to be alone….

_still a chance…..still a chance…..still a chance… _the small voice kept urging him. the damn thought would _NOT_ go away. of course he had intended to keep his promise to his parents and to Hisana….but he had also promised Hisana he would care for Rukia, her sister…..her sister who looked and acted so much like Hisana….. "NO!" he almost shouted at himself, as if scolding a disobedient dog.

But surely Hisana would'nt _want_ him to be alone…. she would want only happiness for him, right?

He needed someone to ease his pain. he had thought of her so many times, but it was always the same internal argument. he had to end this once and for all. his love for Rukia was not acceptable but it was so true and real for him…..it was also deliciously forbidden. maybe there _was_ a chance for him, though.

_still a chance…_ the thought echoed through his head for the thousandth time.

He walked the long and expensively decorated corridors of the Kuchiki manor until he finally reached her room. he had decided what to say and knocked on the door, letting himself in.

She looked so much like his late wife, it _hurt._

"Nii-sama…..?" she said, with her delicate and velvety voice.

That one word was all he needed to hear to know how she truly felt about him. his world painfully exploded into milloins of fragments, unable to be pieced together again. his mind exploded with anger and fear and the pain of rejection. the power of her words shook him to his core, to the very center of his being and it hurt so bad his whole body ached.

That one damned word: _"brother"_ was all it took to make him understand he would be alone.

"It's nothing….." he almost whispered, to weak to hardly speak at all. as he left the room quietly, he spiraled further downward into his despair and sorrow. indeed, love was a monstrocity.

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	2. Monstrosities Part Two

**Monstrosities Part Two: Fukutaichou**

As Byakuya walked mindlessly back to his room, he thought about what he had just done. He was so _angry_ with himself. An honorable man of the Kuchiki family should be stronger than to let a small woman trouble his thoughts, but as it would seem, love was too strong and overpowering to ignore. He realized that it was the strongest and most overwhelming emotion he had ever felt. But, it was also the most troublesome. He couldn't help but fall submissive to his emotions and he cursed himself for being so foolish. He entered his room and sat there, quietly at his desk for hours. He stared blankly at the walls of his well-furnished room. He thought about alot but mostly thought about why he needed_her_ so bad. As he thought further, he realized he would be alone. Forever. The wretched and dooming word echoed inside his head, sentencing him to an eternity of misery. As the thought of being alone for an eternity struck him, the clock struck midnight.

As the clock struck midnight, Renji snuck out of his room, past his Taichou's suspiciously lit room, and into Rukia's room. He wanted to give her a meaningful goodbye before she left to go back to Karakura town tomorrow (saying goodbye infront of everyone would be inappropriate, especially in front of his Taichou, her brother- he just didn't want to seem too emotionally attached to her).

"Psssst! Rukia!" he said in a whisper. The next thing he knew, she was on his back, hand over hius mouth. It seemed like she had expected him to come to her room. "What the hell Rukia? Get off!" his mouth muffled by her small hands. Although he liked the feel of her small frame against his strong tattooed body, this was important to him and he would make sure she heard him out.

"What is it, you creep?" she whispered with a joking tone and a cocky grin.

"Well, I, uh, wanted to wish you luck on…." his voice trailed off as he really_saw_ her in the moonlight. He noted how beautiful she looked and how the dim light glinted in her eyes and made her look so alive, it sent a shock of tingling excitement up his spine. His body always responded to her graceful presence this way and he had missed it so much when she first left for the real world that he almost felt as if he were going through withdrawls.

THWACK! She hit him in the head with a nearby Chappy plushie. "Well, baka! Are you going to stay here all night, looking stupid? or are you going to quit blabbering and spit it out?"

"Well i was_ going_ to say good luck on your mission to Karakura town tomorrow….."

"If you're going to miss me so much, why don't you just tag along!" she said with a playful smirk.

Although it was a joke, Renji thought about it and it sounded like a good idea to him. He was still hurt by her total lack of any sincerity in the matter and got irritated. He blushed and began to rise so he could leave. "Since this is all a joke to you, forget it. I'll just leave it at good luck and goodbye."

"Renji wait," although he was clearly hurt by her previous tone, he cared for her so much he would do anything she ordered and stopped where he stood. "I'm sorry. Thank you for wishing me well, I'm glad someone besides Ukitake-Taichou noticed i was leaving." As a sign of thanks and affection, she stretched up on her tip-toes and put her hands on his wide, muscular shoulders so she could hold herself steady. Then, she did something Renji had always wanted. She kissed him. Even though it was on the cheek and he knew it was only a friendly gesture, he still felt amazing. She hugged him tightly around the waist, too short to reach his whole chest.

As his oldest friend squeezed him tight, he realized that all of those stupid internal arguments he had with himself about her were a waste of time. That moment of time made him realize that he always had, and always would love this woman, someone he had grown up with, someone he had suffered with, someone he had shared so much with. He was sure that she was his better half. She made him feel _alive_, something battle or anything else could never do for him.

He made up his mind. He would go to Karakura town with Rukia. Not only to keep her safe but to keep her away from that baka Strawberry-head. Ichigo was only _fifteen_. That wasnt much compared to his own or Rukia's 100 years of life. Ichigo didn't _know_ Rukia. He hadn't spent nearly his _entire life_ with her. He didn't deserve to just walk into her life, mess it up and almost get her and many others killed, and then be best friends with her. That's not how things are supposed to work. He didn't _deserve_ to be graced by her presence.

He _loved_ Rukia and he didn't care what his jerk of a Taichou had to say about it. He was willing to forge a signature and risk his job just to follow Rukia anywhere, to be her guardian. Not that she needed one, she could probably kick Renji's ass.

"Renji…?" her small honey-like voice seeped into his thoughts, awakening him from his state of deep thought.

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice strained and full of so many emotions for her.

"You should go back to bed, you look tired and I need to rest before my leaving tomorrow.

"Oh, haha, hai…." he said with a nervous laugh and a scratch of the back of his head. As he crept back to his room, past Kuchiki-Taichou's still lit room, he thought about what he had to do to be able to leave with Rukia to Karakura town. As he laid down in his bed, he thought excitedly: _Tomorrow, Taichou. Tomorrow is the day you will regret ever looking down on me, the day you will regret treating me like a dog, rather than your fukutaichou. Tomorrow you'll find out how much I love Rukia. There's no stopping it._

Abarai Renji fell asleep with a wide cocky grin on his lips and the woman he loved on his mind.

Kuchiki Byakuya sat awake in his room. He felt Renji's reiatsu pass by almost twenty minutes past midnight. _This cannot continue._ He thought to himself. Renji's _crush_ had to stop. He would not have Rukia return to Soul Society to be greeted by _him. No one should fall in love with someone _business_related._ He thought harshly. In Byakuya's eyes, for the sixth squad, Renji was a mostrocity.


	3. Monstrosities Part Three: The Gate

**Monstrosities Part 3: The Gate (Worlds Apart)**

Renji awaoke with a grin on his face. As he prepared for the day that lay ahead of him, he thought about what he would say to his Taichou. When he finished getting ready, he tied his hair up in his trademark pony tail. As he looked at himself in the small mirror, he felt like he had changed somehow and couldn't put his finger on what it was. He shook off th estrange feeling and put on his favorite pair of glasses, the most expensive and flashiest ones he had._Hey,_ he thought to himself, _Today's a good day, why not look kick ass too?_With a cocky grin, he stepped outside and shut the door to his room.

He strode calmly to his Captain's office and when he got there, before he had the chance to knock, he heard a faint "Come in." from the other side of the door. As he took a few steps into the room, Byakuya said to him "Renji sit down." It was more of a command than a kind gesture, but his captain had always been like that so he brushed off the rude tone Byakuya held.

Renji told himself three things: he would _not_ be afraid of his Taichou's solemn and flat tone, he would _not _fall victim to his cold piercing eyes, and he sure as_hell_ wouldn't stop trying just because his Taichous said no. Renji could feel a fight coming on but he didn't care. He would welcome that fight with open arms if it meant being able to follow Rukia.

"I'd rather stand," he said with a bite in his voice. "I'll be leaving soon anyway."

"Relieve yourself of the attitude, child, before you realize your mistake after its already too late. Our powers are worlds apart and I will not hesitate to use force with you." Byakuya said flatly. "I know why you've come and I would like to discuss this with you."

This surprised Renji.

Byakuya decided not to bring up Renji's _crush_. It would hurt to try and sit through his _"I'm strong, I love Rukia!"_ speech, not only because the boy was weak and painfully uneloquent speaker, but also because he couldn't stand the thought of someone else having Rukia, and not him. _It's all a childish crush._Byakuya tried to tell himself. He almost shuddered with the thought of Renji and Rukia, _together_.

"I know you would like to leave for Karakura town, for reasons unknown. I do think that Rukia needs assistence in her mission and that _Kurosaki _child cannot be trusted to do it proplerly. However, Sereite cannot afford to have so many presences in one place at a time. it would imbalance the town and overall, bring more hollows to the exact place you're trying to keep them out of. You may not-" Renji cut him off.

"You may think you always know what's best but this isn't ultimately _your_decision. It's Yama-jii's. Renji shot back, before Byakuya could finish his answer to Renji's thoughts.

"Calm down or I will dismiss you and there will be no further discussions. You're acting like a child."

"I fought you once and I'll do it again! Just so long as I can-" Byakuya had heard enough.

"Do not raise your voice at me. Act like a man, you're over a century old and you still can't control yourself. Listen to what I have said; you will be dismissed. As i was beginning to say, was you may not interfere with Rukia. You may, however, go there and assist her in her mission. Do not distract her or any other shinigami from their jobs and do not embarass the 6th squad."

"I'm glad you said that, I can't afford to fight right now, I'm short on time and need to be going." With that said, Renji left his Captain's office and briskly walked to his room to collect his things to leave for Karakura town.

_You would lose that battle anyhow, as you have _many_ others._ Byakuya thought to himself. _Better to be rid of a worthless Fukutaichou and have Rukia protected than to leave her with the Kurosaki child and to have an eternal headache on my hands. _Byakuya didn't like the feeling of sending someone he couldnt trust away with Rukia but he felt confident that Renji would try and jump on any fight he could get to protect her. He also didn't want to accept the fact that, despite everything Byakuya said, Renji was strong and would be there for Rukia. Even if he was a monstrosity, he was a useful one.

As Renji ran to catch up with Rukia, he slung his light traveling pack over his shoulder and ran towards her.

"Rukia!" he shouted, getting her attention.

She spun around, surprised, not expecting to see her best and oldest friend joining her in her trip to Karakura. "Oh, couldn't bear to live without me, ne?" She smirked with that cocky grin Renji loved so well.

"Har, har. No, baka. Taichou ordered me to go with you because of the increased number of hollow appearing in the area lately." He was praying she couldn't hear the joy in his voice pouring over.

"Well, hurry up, baka!" She teased him, just like she had as a child and just as she had in academy. He chuckled to himself as he caught up to her. As they walked together through the senkai gate, he realized the change he had felt earlier that morning wasn't a physical change, but that he had become more of a person for others and less of a person for himself. He was becoming more of a person for Rukia. Love was doing alot of strange things to him lately. It had given him courage to stand up to his Taichou and now he was becoming a better person for the one he loved. He sent a silent "thank you" to Rukia for just simply being there then and now. He had never been so at ease around another person in his whole 100 years of living.

His joy was muted when they arrived on the other side of the senkai gate and into the Kurosaki home, particularly, into Ichigo's room. Renji had to just grin and bear it when Ichigo threw his arms happily around Rukia, almost breaking her fragile frame. It took all Renji had to keep himself from whipping out Zambimaru and kicking some Strawberry-headed ass.

This kid was hardly fifteen and Rukia still saw him as an old friend. He had selfishly put everyone's lifes on the line, especially Rukia's, when he borrowed her powers. _At least he's the only other competition around. Once he's gone, I can be with Rukia. They're worlds apart anyway…._ Renji thought. Ichigo was half hollow and half shinigami, no, half _human. _His powers weren't actually _his._Renji thought to himself, disgusted with Ichigo. _He's a disgrace…., he's a mostrosity._

Byakuya sat with a heavy heart. He had let his love leave without even the smallest goodbye. He wished things didn't have to be the way they were. He wished he didn't have to be so cold and formal…. so emotionally numb. _Maybe,_he thought, _I'M the monstrosity._


	4. Monstrosities Part Four: Ai ga itai

**Monstrosities Part Four: Torn**

As the gate opened, Ichigo wasn't surprised. Shinigami were always in and out of his room, crowding his house, and getting him in trouble at school.

What he didn't expect, however, was for Rukia to walk through the gate. He was so happy to see her, he had almost missed the fact that Renji was there. As he wrapped Rukia in his arms, he realized how long it had been since she had been to the real world and just how much he missed her. He wanted to see her more often but was torn because he couldn't go to Soul Society (where he wasn't even wanted) and leave his family behind.

"Rukia! Wow it's really been awhile, huh?" he said, trying not to look too excited, totally failing.

"Uh, hai…." she answered as awkwardly as she pulled away from him and unruffled her shinigami uniform and fixed her messed-up hair.

"Renji…" he said with a nod, trying to be polite when he much rather would have liked to kick his pineapple-headed ass.

Ichigo heard rather fast steps coming up the stairs and could have guessed who it was. "Go Hide!" he said as he shoved them in to his small cramped closet.

"Ow! They can't see us anyway, baka!" Renji and Rukia protested together.

Too late. They were crammed in the tiny closet, nowhere else to go. They peered out of the small crack between the door and the wall and watched, wondering what the hell was going on.

"IIICCCHHHHHIIIGGGOOOO!" screamed his eccentric father. He jumped into the air and flew at Ichigo, landing a solid kick right in the center of his stomach.

Renji began to snicker. He realized he didn't even need to be in the real world for Ichigo to get his ass beat! Renji and Rukia laughed together as they watched Ichigo deal with his father and when he finally let them out of the closet. The two shinigami fell on top of each other, laughing.

"Oh, get a room!" Ichigo said, annoyed. He wanted Renji off of Rukia as fast as possible. It annoyed him to see them like this.

"What, you jealous?" Rukia teased. Ichigo blushed and stood there awkwardly, having nothing to say. Renji liked how Rukia always had something to say.

As the two friends were untangling themselves, their cellphones beeped simultaneously. Before he knew it, Ichigo had been left behind. He could have sworn he saw a smart-ass smirk on Renji's face as he leaped out the window, following Rukia. Ichigo sensed only two hollows so he phased out of his body and ran towards the hollow he could sense Renji and Rukia weren't already chasing after.

Renji let Rukia handle this hollow. She was always so graceful when she fought and he loved seeing the determined look she got on her small and beautiful face when she was in battle. He also enjoyed the large flow of reiatsu he felt come from her as she fought with such skill. It only lasted a short while but Renji enjoyed it all the same. He thanked the gods for every day that he could wake up and see her face and feel her spiritual presence.

Just as Renji was about to congratulate her on a job well done, Ichigo walked onto the scene. Just seeing the two pissed him off.

"Wow, you two are really great friends, huh? Killing hollows together, going on missions to the real world together, yeah you two are quite the pair, huh?" Renji could feel the anger and jealousy in his childish voice.

"Har har, baka!" Rukia quipped back, thinking Ichigo was joking around again.

"Yeah, it's hilarious, isn't it?" he said sarcastically, his voice not only carrying hurtful words, but a hint of venom as well. Renji saw Rukia's small face turn from smiling to hurt and confused.

"Ichigo…?" she was hurt, she didn't know what she had done to bring on his anger and she didn't know why her friend had suddenly turned on her. Renji saw the hurt in her eyes and it was as if someone had shot adrenaline straight into his veins. He was almost shaking with anger. He stepped in front of Rukia defensively; he knew exactly what this was about.

"Listen, _kid_. Don't feel like you have a right to a shinigami's powers. You don't. You shouldn't even be _alive_ right now but you are. And do you know_why_? It's because of _her_." He nearly began to scream at Ichigo while pointing at Rukia. He let his anger take the reins. All of his pent up rage and pain would finally be let loose.

"I thought I already told you, stop acting like everyone _owes _you something. You've hurt Rukia _enough_." He was almost spitting out his words now. "If only she had never met you…." He unsheathed his sword. "Damn you…. Damn you for ruining this!" Renji's voice was heavy and strained. His face was etched with pain and anger and he didn't care who saw it.

Ichigo invited Renji to tear into him by unsheathing his sword as well. As Renji took his first step forward, he felt a firm grip around his waist. He froze. As he turned in her embrace, he lifted he chin in his hand. What he saw in her eyes took him by surprise and sent a wave of anguish and pain through his heart. She was_ afraid_. He prayed to the gods for forgiveness and plead with them to take this pitiful expression off of his love's face.

"Don't….don't…." Was all she could say, almost whispering. He thought he saw a hint of a tear in the corner of her eye but before he could reach up to wipe it away,she turned away. She turned away just like she had in the academy, the day he made the biggest mistake of his life: letting her go. He felt his heart break a little further. He felt his whole world shattering with a rude awakening; history was repeating itself. He could feel his heart preparing for something that would be devastating but he couldn't kid himself, there could be no proper preparing. But then a thought struck him, he didn't need to prepare because he wouldn't let this happen again.

He knew he couldn't reach out to her so he tried to reach her through his words. "Rukia, please…." was all he could get out. His mind was desperately trying to find the right words to make her stay, to make everything alright again but he just couldn't find a way to piece things together the way they were before Ichigo had broken it all.

She didn't turn to look at either of them but Renji listened to her words as if she was a god. "Renji, you stay with Ichigo, work things out. I'm staying with Urahara…." Renji could almost feel the anguish and sorrow seep out of her voice. He would do _anything_ to stop her from hurting; he wanted to fix this _so bad_.

If that was what she wanted, he would obey. "Hai…." he said, as if receiving an order.

Renji couldn't sleep, let alone stay at the Kurosaki home. He sat outside, his eyes closed. He searched for Rukia's reiatsu and when he found it, seemingly unharmed, a wave of relief washed over him. He concentrated on her delicate signal all through the night. He tried to keep everything else out of his mimnd, especially the monstrosity.

Ichigo hardly slept but when he did, he had nightmares. His dreams were plagued with images of Rukia and the day she was taken back to Soul Society by Byakuya and how Renji had nearly killed him. He almost wished he_was_ dead. _It would be alot better and easier for Rukia if I were dead. _He thought painfully. _To her, I'm a monstrosity._

Rukia lay awake, not particularly _thinking_, just _drifting_ from thought to thought. She didn't want to but couldn't help her mind from going back to Renji and Ichigo. He was so_ ready _to kill for her and the whole time, she had no idea. It was surprising but she also found it somewhat comforting.

As she thought further, her fear for Ichigo grew.

She was so warm and so comfortable. She had no idea where she was she felt a warm and loving aura about her. She also felt a calm and sleeping reiatsu next to her. The man's arms were wrapped around her and hugging her tightly and her back was snuggled against his wide and muscular chest. She felt so right, almost like she was fitting herself along with a puzzle piece that had been missing from herself for a long time. Not wanting to wake her sleeping lover, Rukia tried to turn smoothly to see who it was that was holding her in such a loving embrace. He stirred and awoke as his strong and warm hands found her waist and he let out a sigh of satisfaction just as she did. She closed her eyes, for some reason not wanting to see who it was that was showing her such affection. Her body told her yes, this was right. somewhere in her heart told her that she had missed him _so much_.

She gasped and snapped her eyes open, awakening to a dark room. It pained her to find that nobody was sleeping next to her. She felt like she had known him for a thousand years and now that he was gone, she was lost. She shook her head, telling herself it was only a dream. Her brain was screaming at her.

_No. No, no, no!_ These feelings couldn't be true, she didn't want them to be. She knew without a shadow of a doubt who the man was but she couldn't face herself to say it. She was torn between wanting that dream to be true and forbidding it to come back. _No,_ she thought. _To fall in love with him would be a monstrosity. _


	5. Monstrosities Part Five: Shazai

**Monstrosities Part Five**

Renji hadn't slept all night. He wanted to make amends with Rukia but he understood that she needed her space. He promised himself long ago, the day she became a noble, the first time he ever saw her cry, that he would never do anything to hurt her or ever do anything that would hold her back. Recently, the only thing he truly wanted was for her to be happy, to see a smile on her face every day. The thought that he had done something to make her face bear such a pained expression tortured him and made him feel like a complete piece of shit. He was _so sorry. _He decided that first thing in the morning he would go to Urahara's Shoten and apologize.

Although he messed things up sometimes, he noted that recently, he had been getting better at making his girl smile.

Rukia was so confused. And hurt. She had no idea what to do with herself. She had just let herself sit in her moonlit room all night and wonder what the hell was going on. She hardly had the motivation to get up and eat breakfast or even change her clothes from the night before. Until she heard a knock on her door.

She got up to answer the knock, preparing herself to tell Urahara to buzz off for the third time that morning. When she opened the door, she was (surprisingly) relieved to find Renji staring back at her with a nervous expression.

Although she was relieved, she was still somewhat angry. The two boys had acted so immaturely.

"What is it, Abarai?" She dropped the familiar first-name basis they always used and put on an irritated tone.

"Can I come in and talk?" he asked, trying his best to be reverent and understanding.

"….sure." She knew she could trust her oldest friend and she was glad he was making an effort to work things out. She had seen a change in him recently and she couldn't put her finger on it but it seemed like it was for the better.

"Well, Rukia…. I know you don't want to hear what I have to say so I'll Just say this one thing and leave you be. I want to apologize for yesterday. I was irresponsible and i was prideful…." _All I wanted was to protect you._ He knew he couldn't say everything he wanted to her. Not right now, at least.

Rukia realized that he really _had_ changed. The old Renji, _her_ Renji, would never be able to (or want to) swallow his pride and admit a mistake. She realized how hard he was trying and that stirred something deep inside of her chest.

She stepped towards him and hugged him fiercely. "Renji, had I known that you were so willing to…. protect me, even from the smallest of insults, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. I'm sorry. You're my best and closest friend and I don't want to lose you, ever."

Renji hugged her back, choosing to ignore her choice of words.

_Friends._

Byakuya had a feeling that something was wrong in the World of the Living. He decided to pay a visit to the Research and Development section of the 12th squads' barracks. They were his least favorite squad(besides the infamous 11th squad) because of their collective of low moral standards and lack of ethics, not to mention, their ways of collecting data were just too…. intrusive. He shuddered. Although he strongly disliked this squad, they were the only ones who had the technology to supervise what was going on in the World of the Living from Soul Society. If something was wrong, Byakuya would find out soon enough.

Ichigo decided to train three times as hard as he ever had so he could beat the redheaded bastard and show Rukia who was stronger and who really deserved to be by her side for the rest of time. As he prepared himself for another round of training in Urahara's over sized basement, he felt Renji's reiatsu appear. Ichigo decided to take things into his own hands right now. This couldn't wait until his training was complete. There was s=no way that Rukia wanted to see either of them at the moment but right now he couldn't let that stop him. It seemed like Renji was getting gutsy so Ichigo decided to man up and head upstairs.

As Rukia hugged Renji, she felt protected. She also felt proud of him for trying (and she realized, succeeding) to make amends. He really was a good guy under his "tough guy" mask.

Then she saw Ichigo, or rather, she felt his flaring and angry reiatsu. She leaned around Renji to see him standing in the doorway of her room. He looked pissed as hell. Again. At this point, Renji noticed him too and turned his back to Rukia, making himself a protective wall between her and the intruder.

"Ichigo, its really not-" she was cut off by his angry and hurtful words, again.

"Renji this is between you and me. Rukia, stay the hell away. I'm not letting him hurt you again." She was angry. No, she was more than angry. She was _irate_.

"Ichigo, you listen to me, damnit." She stepped around Renji and pointed an angry and accusing finger at him. She realized she had an almost growl in her voice but she didn't care. Like they say, hell hath no fury lie a woman in scorn. "YOU are the only one causing anyone pain. You've said enough. Go home before you get yourself hurt." She said it like a command and as if he was a dog. She didn't like being rude but she was sure he would get hurt. She was more than confident that Renji could kick his ass and she didn't want any more fighting. She kept telling herself that it was for his own good.

_What the hell?_ Ichigo was confused.

"Ichigo, just drop it. This isn't what she wants. Why can't you man up enough to see that? Nobody wants to fight anymore." The words that escaped his mouth surprised him. Renji knew he couldn't ever have what he really wanted with Rukia, a real relationship (not right now, at least). While he couldn't fully fulfill his needs and wants, knowing Rukia was safe and happy was comfort enough. For her to be safe and happy, Ichigo had to leave. He didn't belong with the shinigami.

Ichigo felt the mood of the conversation change. It went from angry and hurtful and flaring to and almost eerie relaxed mood. The looks in both Renji and Rukia's eyes old him that this wasn't a fight or a challenge; that a battle couldn't determine the "winner".

He finally realized _why_ no matter how many hollows he killed, how many shinigami he battles, or how many scars he bore for her, she wouldn't fall for him. It was over. He denied from the very start that he didn't belong with her. He had never felt so resigned, so defeated, so….. at a loss before. He was crushed. He kicked himself for not wanting to see how black and white everything was. How he just simply could not change the way things were.

"I'm…." he glanced at his shoes. "I never meant for things to…. I just…." he could barley finish his own thoughts.

"I know, Ichigo. It's ok." _She knew?_ "Well…. I'll go supervise another part of town. Later." And just like that, he was gone. As he flash-stepped across town, he prayed that they couldn't see the pure pain and rejection in his eyes.

He saw it all. The fight after the hollows appeared, the argument in Urahara's Shoten, all of it.

_Well, one down, one to go._ Byakuya thought to himself. He could see the utter defeat in the boy's eyes. He wasn't suit for a woman like Rukia anyhow. He felt no sympathy for the boy.

As he considered his own situation again, he thought that maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed. Maybe he wasn't such a monstrosity.


	6. Monstrosities Part Six: Urahara's Shoten

Monstrosities Part Six: Urahara's Shoten

Urahara fanned himself, thinking up something interesting that would cool down the whole building, including the overly large training area which he was so proud of.

He lay lazily across his neat mat with nothing but sandals and his pants (which were rolled up). It was WAY too hot to do anything even resembling work today. It was almost too hot to even move. He felt like he could combust and turn to ash at any second. Even Kon, being a stuffed animal, thought so.

"I'm melting like ICE! " Kon yelled. Urahara let out a sigh. It was too hot to try and ignore Kon and he would not just shut the hell up. "Can't you do something, you lazy creep?"

"Wait!" Urahara interjected excitedly. He sat up quickly, Yoruchi (now in cat form), hissing and falling off his lap (she thought that even though she had fur, her cat form was smaller and therefore easier to keep cool; plus, Urahara always knew how to scratch the special spot between her shoulder blades).

Rukia sheathed her sword and told Renji to do so as well. Urahara was coming to the underground lair. Although it was spacious, their bankai's were quite large and they didn't want to risk hurting the man who was housing them.

"Oh Rukia, my dear friend! My wise and most beautiful-"

"What?" They both shouted, irritated. They just wanted to get done with their training.

"Could I ask a favor of you?" He said with a cheesy puppy-dog grin on his face.

Sigh. "What?" She asked, hot, irritated, and cautious of the overly kind Shop Owner.

"Well, I –ahem- Tessai wanted to know if you could use Sode No Shirayuki to make the building a bit cooler." If she was going to get pissed at this suggestion, Urahara made sure that he sure as hell wouldn't get blamed for it.

She paused and gave it a thought. _Well, it is pretty damn hot, even in the training room._ She contemplated. "Fine. I don't like using her for the wrong reasons but I'm about ready to pass out from heat stroke."

After some shaved ice and the temperature decreasing significantly, everyone felt much better and a lot less agitated. Yoruchi had even returned to her human form, though, nobody knew where she _or_ Urahara were….

"I would usually ask where the Pervert and the Cat got to, but judging from the pulsing and constant changes in their reiatsus…." Renji trailed off, rolling his eyes.

"Well, it's just the same for us, Renji." Rukia quipped.

_What the hell?_ "What is….?" Renji asked, now curious and very confused.

"Oh, Renji, don't be silly. You know what I mean." Rukia leaned in and kissed him. Not on the cheek. Not on the forehead. _On the lips._ "Cmon, I don't wanna train anymore." She said with a mock pout on her angelic face. She tugged him by his hand into his room and shut the door behind them.

Jinta made a sound of utter disgust and Tessai just murmured something about "now them? Damn kids…."

"I wish." Renji muttered as he opened his eyes to find himself alone in his room. He slowly got ready for the day and another round of torture from his conscience.


	7. MonstrositiesSeven:Single Sakura Bloom

**Monstrosities Part Seven: The Single Sakura Bloom**

I don't own Bleach (though I sure wish I did!)

WARNING! STRONG LANGUAGE IN THIS CHAPTER!

This episode of Monstrosities was inspired by "Heron Blue" by Sun Kil Moon.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to Tatsuki-Taichou. Thank you so much for pushing me to write more and constantly giving me your views on my writing, even if it sucks!

AND NOW! ITS OUT! HERE WE GO KIDDOS!

Ichigo definitely wouldn't give up. He just wasn't that type of guy. Not with the Bounto, not with Aizen, and definitely not now. He just needed to take a time-out while he considered his situation and his options with Rukia.

Byakuya was having a pretty good day, considering his usual boring paperwork and tea routine.

The Strawberry was out of the way, the pineapple would be easy to take care of, and Rukia still hadn't shown any signs of affection towards the two fruits. Also, Rukia would be coming back in two days.

Renji sighed as he relaxed from a long day of training and working for Urahara in his cramped shop. _Jeez, it's almost slavery, how hard that old fart has me working._ He thought.

As he let his mind wander and his sore muscles relax, he remembered that his mission with Rukia would end in only two days. "Shit…." He murmured. He just didn't have enough time without her beloved 'Nii-sama' being around. Or was it the fact that he just didn't have the guts to confess to her everything he felt? He didn't know. He wasn't ever the type of guy who easily expressed those kinds of things.

As he thought about his captain, he remembered the day that he nearly died to save Rukia and how only a short while before, he had been closer to her than he ever had; emotionally and physically (not counting all of the times when she playfully tackled him to the ground when they were kids….. oh those were the days….)

He remembered exactly how she looked. Tears in her eyes, trembling, and apologizing. He never understood why she apologized. He _loved_ her. She didn't need to apologize for something he was completely willing to do for her.

He mentally kicked himself for not telling her how he felt right then. Every day since then he was tortured by his conscience.

Urahara lay out (worn out) on his mat with Yoruchi. The two agreed that they just _loved_ playing matchmaker but as of late, they were having trouble. They knew Orihime would go well with Ichigo, but Ichigo had a thing for Rukia. So did Renji.

But Rukia showed no signs of that type of care for either of them. They couldn't really picture her with anyone in the first place. They had once considered Shiba Kaien but that was taken off the list for obvious reasons (number one being the fact that he had died and Rukia was the one who had to do it).

As Yoruchi (now in human form) stretched sleepily across his bare chest, Urahara considered the fact that maybe Rukia would be better off without a guy.

A day had now passed and Ichigo was ready to talk to Rukia again. On his way to Urahara's shop, he sensed a spiritual pressure, a hollow. It was so huge; he didn't need a lot of time to find out where it was. When he got there, Renji and Rukia were already there.

"Renji, stay back, I've got this one under control." Rukia hadn't seriously fought in a long time and although she could safely say she didn't like fighting, it felt pretty good to stretch her fighting muscles and to let her huge reaitsu openly flow and expand.

Renji and Ichigo watched in awe and admiration as Rukia released her shikai (the hollow was pretty damn big) and prepared herself to kill the hollow.

The hollow's mask was large and in the shape of a very ugly sea-shell. Its eyes glowed a greenish-blue and its scream was loud enough to break all of the glass in Karakura. It walked on all fours and had the tail of a serpent. Its claws were so sharp they could continually slice through flesh and bone, never dulling.

Rukia thrust herself into the air, ready to bring her blade down on the hollow's head in execution style. Before anyone could react, the hollow speared Rukia through the abdomen as quick as lightning.

Renji screamed her name, feeling the unfamiliar sting of a single tear in his eye.

Ichigo froze with fear. Rukia was so strong, how could this happen?

Rukia's vision blurred and then grew dark around the edges. She felt blood easily flow from the gaping hole in her stomach. She coughed up blood and gagged on the coppery and thick taste of it. As she slowly started to lose consciousness, the last thing she saw was the glowing eyes', taunting her, telling her she was at her end.

Then, as the creature dropped her, she felt herself falling and thudding onto the ground. After that, everything went black and her body felt like it caught fire.

Renji and Ichigo simultaneously jumped into action.

Renji picked up Rukia's limo body, feeling her warmth slowly fading away.

Ichigo cut through the hollow with absolute fury, with a rage so intense even Renji could feel it. When the hollow's body had faded away, Ichigo ran to where Renji was cradling Rukia's unusually pale body. Both of them were in complete denial.

"No….no, no, no….." Renji whispered, searching Rukia's blank and glassy stare for any kind of sign. He tried to deny the fact that she was close to her death.

"Hurry up and heal her with your kidou you fucking IDIOT!" She's DYING! DO SOMETHING!" Ichigo screamed at Renji, trying to coax him out of his trance-like state.

"Would you just shut the FUCK up? Damnit! I can't use kidou on her."

"Well why the hell not?" Ichigo yelled, starting to lose his sanity to panic.

"I was never any good at kidou. If I try and heal her with it and it doesn't work…. I could kill her." Renji said, his voice nearly a whisper again. Ichigo felt completely hopeless.

"Hold her," Renji entrusted Ichigo with Rukia's dying body. "I need to open a Senkai Gate so she can be in Soul Society."

"Why?"

"There are more spirit particles there and if she's around more spiritual pressure, it will help her heal faster. We also have a medical squad there." Renji quickly explained, trying to focus on opening the gate.

"Renji I'm not allowed in there anymore! I can't-" Renji cut him off.

"Well FUCK. You really must not love her. Because if you did, you wouldn't mind risking your ass to save her LIFE!" Renji spat out the last three words, completely enraged at Ichigo for giving up on the girl he supposedly 'loved' so easily.

Ichigo just gave him a determined look and a nod and followed the red-head into the gate.

When they arrived, Rukia's body was completely cold. They flash-stepped to the 4th squad barracks. Renji laid her on a bed and began doing whatever he could to get her to wake up while Ichigo helped Unohana and Isane.

He shook her shoulder.

No response.

"Rukia, sweetheart," He cupped her delicate face in his hands, looking at her with loving eyes.

No response.

"Rukia, come on girl wake up for me."

No response.

"Rukia?" his voice now held a heavier sound of worry than before.

Still, he got no response.

Ichigo stood by; trying to do anything he could to not lose his sanity.

"Rukia, you Rukongai brat! Don't you fucking give up on me!" Renji felt the sting of tears again. He slapped her face.

No response. She lay on the bed, limp, her own crimson blood pooling around her.

"You stupid bitch! WAKE UP! You're not ready!" His voice broke and he felt tears openly flow down his cheeks.

"Rukia, honey, please," Now he was begging.

He realized this was his last chance.

"Rukia," he took her body in his arms and cradled her small frame as he whispered into her hair. "I love you. I love you more than anything that could ever exist in our world or another. Please, you need to come back to me."

Unohana took over from there. Renji was excused and told to change into another uniform. He looked down and discovered why; he was covered in her blood.

Renji trudged to his room in the 6th squad barracks, feeling like absolute shit.

Byakuya felt Renji's reiatsu pass by his office, but not Rukia's. Something felt very wrong. He walked out into the hallway and saw Renji covered in blood. Strangely, he didn't have any wounds. He nearly fell to his knees when he got the picture. His mind exploded into fury. He grabbed Renji by his bloodied uniform and pinned him against the wall.

The noble lost his dispassionate façade. "You little bastard! Where is she? What happened?"

Renji just hung his head as said what few words he could. "She's…. fourth squad…."

Byakuya let Renji drop to his knees. He couldn't remember a time when he had run faster.

Ichigo was sent out of Rukia's room. He was still in shock from all of the blood he had seen. He was also still in shock from Renji's earlier words.

_'You really must not love her.'_

_Why _did he hesitate? Why couldn't he save her? Then he felt Byakuya's reiatsu flare.

As Byakuya entered her room, Unohana wore a pained expression. He had never seen the woman wear any other expression than a peaceful one so he assumed things had turned for the worst. He looked over at Rukia. He usually had a strong stomach and considered himself desensitized to seeing blood from the battlefield but the sight made his insides churn with nausea and fear.

As he looked out of the window of her room, he noticed one single Sakura bloom. It reminded him of the day Hisana died. Byakuya hung his head and prayed for the gods to end such a monstrosity.


	8. Monstrosities Pt Eight:The Verging Path

Monstrosities Part Eight: The Verging Path

First of all, I don't own any Bleach other than cleaning supplies but that doesn't count for much . Second, thank you personally to those who reviewed, you feedback is what keeps me writing this story.

As always, thank you to Tatsuki-Taichou! You are the best! I appreciate you always encouraging me even when I feel like my stories suck!

Dear fans, I want to personally apologize. I will try harder to update faster but these past two weeks, I had to study for a HUGE trig test.

ON WITH THE SHOW!

Rukia felt herself being carried. The arms around her were strong and felt very familiar but she couldn't put a name to who it was; her mind couldn't process right. She had lost so much blood that she was drifting between life and death. Every few minutes she would float off into darkness and then the man's stern voice would tug her back into his protective arms.

The next thing she knew, she felt the softness of a bed underneath her could body. She felt like she was violently tugged forward and all of a sudden, she was looking down at herself. Renji sat next to her, almost violently shaking her empty body. She could feel the pressure of his warm and tense hands of her shoulders and she could see his mouth moving but she couldn't hear anything. Nearby, she saw Ichigo helping Unohana and Isane with the preparations to heal her recently vacated body.

The scene that played out before her looked so wrong. There was so much blood surrounding her broken body and there was even more blood covering Renji's shinigami uniform. She decided that he must have been the one carrying her. For a reason she found strange, she felt a lot better knowing that he was the one who had carried her. She wanted to vomit but she didn't have the physical being to do so. She felt absolutely powerless and alone. And cold. Everything was so damn cold.

She turned her attention back to Renji when she felt a sudden pressure on her cheek. Had he just slapped her? She looked into his tear-filled eyes and saw all of his emotions there. The raw power that she saw in his emotions almost scared her. She could also see his mouth moving, telling her things that she still couldn't hear. In this world, it seemed there was no way to hear the living.

Then, as if she was tied by a rope, she was violently pulled back into her cold body. It was so painful, she wanted to scream but she hadn't gained control of her body yet. Then, when the pain subsided and her mind cleared, she realized where she was. She wasn't going to die; she was back in her own body again. She could feel herself being hugged tightly to Renji's broad and warm chest but she couldn't persuade her body to move or form words. Had Renji just brought her back from the dead? She still couldn't hear anything that was going on. She concentrated on Renji's natural warmth; anything was better than her cold body.

Rukia's limbs felt heavy and she realized she felt very tired, almost sluggish. She knew it was because of all the blood she had lost but she couldn't fight anymore. She drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, her dreams plagued by pictures of the hollow that had nearly ended her life.

When she awoke, Rukia felt her brother's reiatsu by her side. When the fog in her mind cleared, she noticed that he was trying to suppress it, trying not to awake her. She giggled at his futile attempts and made a side note to try not to laugh; her body was stiff and hurt like hell. She pulled her eyes open when she heard her own (very weak) voice. She tried to sit up to see if she really was in her own body again but agonizing pain shot through her body and she let out a weak cry. Her brother's strong hands helped her smoothly lie back down without any pain.

"Nii-…sa….ma?" she looked over, glad and surprised to see her brother there, even if he did look pissed off.

"Rukia. Glad to see that you've endured." He said in his usual dispassionate tone. She was happy that he showed that he cared, even if he masked it with neutral wording. "Try to relax. I want to ask you a few questions about….your incident."

"Hai…." She answered. She could barely choke the word out, her throat was so damn dry and her wound was making it difficult to breathe."

"Why didn't Renji protect you?" His question was so blunt and straightforward that it surprised Rukia. She was also somewhat offended at the assumption that Renji, her best friend, wouldn't protect her.

"He saved my _life._" She stated coldly.

"Only shortly after he let you lose it." He quipped back.

"I told him to stay back, I thought I could handle the hollow on my own."

"Foolish…." He muttered in disgust.

If her whole bad didn't hurt so bad, she was sure she would have taken up some action against him.

"Why do you hate him so much? Why can't you just drop your damn mask of ice?" Rukia was frustrated with his constant hatred towards his Fukutaichou.

"He is Rukongai filth. He shouldn't look at you the way he does; you are a noble."

"I was Rukongai filth too! So was my sister, your 'beloved' wife!" she sarcastically spit out the word 'beloved'. She never believed that he had loved her sister, she felt like he was making her into a charity case.

"Don't _ever_ speak of Hisana that way." He threatened coldly, his deep steel grey eyes cutting through her with anger and what seemed like pain. "Unlike you, she did not belong there."

One step too far. Rukia didn't care about the pain raging through her body; she sat up to face Byakuya.

"She was _my_ sister! I didn't even want to be a noble! You both decided that for me! You know something? It's truly ironic the way you talk about the people of Rukongai like they're filth but _YOU'RE_ the one who married one. Watch your words, _Byakuya_." She spat his name out. "You criticize what you know nothing about and you don't have the wisdom to see what's right in front of you." She finished, her voice nearing a yell. She didn't care who had heard her, nobody was going to mess around with her or her 'family' in Rukongai.

Never _ever_ had she disrespected him like that. He loved her sometimes feisty attitude but hated fighting her; she was always right.

"That tone will not be tolerated in my presence. I gave you and my _WIFE_ everything! Hisana was wrong to want to find you. You really are Rukongai dirt; not noble material." He had himself under control again but could barely keep the words that were tumbling out of his mouth under control. He regretted most of what he said but there was no taking it back now.

"Leave." Rukia muttered as she looked straight into his steel colored eyes, challenging him to say otherwise. His intimidating stare used to scare her but now, she felt like she had nothing to lose and nothing to fear.

"Excuse me?" He said with narrowed eyes; his only sign of anger and discomfort.

"I said LEAVE. Do not think you are welcome near me anymore."

Byakuya was about to go off on her again but then he realized he wasn't doing anything to help his situation. He silently did as she wished. He walked back to the 6th squad's barracks. When he got there, he sat behind his desk and picked up his brush to continue on his paperwork. Then, something struck him: maybe this was how the rest of his life would be. Every day he would wake up alone, go to his office alone, do his work alone, and go home, only to fall asleep alone. Every day. For the rest of his existence. He counted how long he had already lived, about 175 years. Normally, most shinigami lived for 800 years.

Byakuya laid his brush down and as the setting sun's light filtered into his office, he rested his head in his hands. He wept for the loss of his wife and he wept for what would never be.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Rukia quickly drifted off to sleep only to find that her tired mind would not find peace. Her mind picked up where it had left off. The man's arms wrapped around her and her dream self eased up. She rolled over to see who it was who could make her feel 100% safe and calm at such a restless and frustrating time in her life. She held her eyes shut tight, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer.

She ran her hands up his bare arms and up to his muscular shoulders. He let out a pleased sigh and nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck, bringing the two even closer together. Her hands rested on his warm chest for only a short moment until she moved them to either side of his neck, feeling his soothing pulse underneath her fingers. She considered not opening her eyes at all. He wove his arms around her waist, his face still nuzzling her neck, giving her small and ever so gentle kisses.

_Damn it all,_ she thought. _To hell with it._ She was dreaming, after all. It wasn't like this was reality. She slowly opened her eyes to see a mass of orange hair. She accidentally let out a small yelp. _Just a dream, just a dream, just a dream!_ She kept trying to convince herself.

Dream Ichigo's handsome face stared up at her in curiosity, his strong arms still binding them together.

"What?" He quietly asked, his brown eyes taking in her surprised expression. She couldn't form any words, she just stared back at him, eyes taking in the sight before her.

"You look like you've just seen a hollow," he chuckled at his own pun.*

Rukia just closed her eyes and prayed for the dream to end so she could sleep off her pain and her emotional mess.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

*did you get it? Eh? Hehehe silly Ichigo.

REMEMBER! If you don't review, I won't know what to put in the next chapter! Thank you to all of you who waited patiently for this!


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